As we end the year and look forward to a new year and a new decade, I thought I would share a classic Eyejabber post. The first post of 2002, in fact.
I hate people who call my house and ask for money, espcially if I don’t already owe them money. Yes, I mean telemarketers. It’s why I have an unpublished phone number. It’s even worse, though, when the telemarketer is referred to me by someone I know.
Tonight, I got a call for my wife. When I said that she wasn’t available and asked who was calling, his response was just his first name. He then asked if I was her husband. That’s how you can tell they are going to ask for money.
Right off the bat, I was irritated and asked him rather rudely who he was with. He then told me he is a “Family Values Advocate” who was referred to me by $PERSON, then he proceeded to ask me his questions that would determine if I was a sucker or not.
Hss first question was, “Do you think, as we do, that there is too much nudity and bad language in movies and TV.” To which, I responded, “Shit, I don’t think you can have too many boobies.”
Unfazed, he went on, “Do you have contact with children under 17 on a regular basis?” and I shot back, “Not since the court order.”
He obviously wasn’t listening because next he asked, “Do you think movies produced for the family should also teach a moral lesson?” By this time, I couldn’t help myself, “CACTUS?!”
“Okaaaay, well there is one thing you could help us with that won’t cost you anything. Can you refer the nicest, most respectable people that you think may agree with what we’re trying to do with G-rated movies? They can be anywhere in the country.” Obviously, I didn’t give him the correct answers because he never got around to asking me for money.
By this time, I was getting bored, “I can’t think of anyone I hate as much as $PERSON hates me. Thanks for the offer, though,” and I hung up.
Stupid telemarketers.
Note: The ”cactus” reference refers to the (in)famous cactus-themed prank calls done by the Phone Losers of America. Essentially, they only say the word “Cactus” and nothing else. Listen to this example.
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